A Long Time Coming

"Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I'm Your friend

You are my desire
No one else will do
'Cause nothing else could take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You

You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know You are near."

I am in a funk, and I have been for a while.

As I sit on my bed writing this post I am having trouble getting started. My heart feels very far away. Writing has always helped me find my way back to where I should be, so I decided to give it a go.

I wonder how my life got to this point. Last summer I was on fire. I mean, I was thriving in the Word and in the Lord. Now, I feel distant, and I am having a hard time getting back to Him. I have a serious wall up, and I have no idea how to even begin tearing it down.

The lyrics at the beginning of the post are to a song you probably already know called "Draw Me Close to You." I so appreciate the truth of those lyrics. I need to be reminded that the Lord is supreme. He is steadfast, loving, jealous, faithful, and eagerly waiting for me to return.

A friend shared an incredible youtube video with me not long ago featuring a man named Brennan Manning. In the video he begins speaking about things that the Lord has taught him "in the 48 years since he was first ambushed by Jesus." He says that he believes that when we stand before God at Judgment He is going to ask us this one question: "Did you believe that I loved you? That I desired you. That I waited for you day after day. That I longed to hear the sound of your voice." He goes on to say that some people will be able to stand before Him and say, "Yes, Lord. I believe those things." But, he continues, others will have to stand before the Lord God Almighty and answer: "Well, no sir. I mean, I heard a lot of lovely sermons about your love, and in fact, I gave a few myself. But, I was never truly able to believe it."

At this point I find myself leaning toward the latter response. I know He loves me, but it is so hard to believe sometimes. I am filthy and undeserving and fickle and unreliable. Yet I am forgiven and precious and loved and desired and a treasure in His eyes. A love like that is so foreign and completely ridiculous in the world's terms, but it is a love and relationship that humans were created to long for, and as the song says, "You are my desire / no one else will do." What beauty and truth are found in those lines!

Lord, I cannot even fathom your love. Thank you for lavishing me, an undeserving sinner, with such an extravagant gift. Please "help me find a way / bring me back to You."

Man, I feel better already.

"The Lord's love never ends; His mercies never stop. They are new every morning; Lord, your loyalty is great. I say to myself, 'The Lord is mine, so I hope in Him.'" -Lamentations 3:22-24