Plans

I didn't know who I was supposed to be...at fifteen.

Don't make fun, but Fifteen by Taylor Swift gets me every time. Sometimes I swear she sings about my life. When I was a teenager I was in such a different place than I am now. If someone would have asked me then what my life would look like now I would have told them I was going to go to Berry, become a teacher, and marry my high school boyfriend. I had my life all planned out for myself, and I was comfortable.

My world came crashing down on January 16th 2007 when the love of my life broke up with me over the phone after 3 years of dating. It is now 2009, and almost 3 years later I can still vividly recall the heartbreak like it was yesterday. Being on the phone with him that night was surreal. It was like I was watching this break up scene transpire between someone else, and I was just watching it all happen. It was an out of body experience. I remember sitting on a chair next to my parent's bed thinking that I would never be ok again. The only word I can think to somewhat describe how I felt is despair. Food lost its taste, music became dull, and eventually everything that I had once found pleasing became boring and sad. I was so broken, and I had no idea where to begin picking up the pieces.

Robert Frost once said, "In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life: it goes on." My life went on after January 16th. It was the second semester of my senior year and it was time to decide what college I was going to attend. I hadn't given college much thought until my junior year when an older friend of mine told me she was going to Berry College in Rome, GA. I had never heard of Berry before in my life, but listening to her tell me all about it got me interested. I went to visit her one weekend and fell in love. Berry was everything I could have hoped for in a college and more. The campus was beautiful, the people were friendly, and it was 2 and a half hours away from anything that remotely reminded me of the person who broke my heart. I filled out the application for admission the next week. A majority of students applying for college will, in addition to applying to their first choice school, apply to a safety school. Mine was Jacksonville State University in Jacksonville, AL. I got my acceptance letter from JSU in the mail in October of 2006, and my acceptance notification online from Berry in late January of 2007. It was a no brainer that I was going to Berry, until I got another letter in the mail from JSU in February. The university awarded me a scholarship that would pay for my tuition. After talking to my parents and going on a campus visit, my plans changed again when I enrolled as a student at JSU. If someone would have told me earlier that year that I would be giving up going to my dream school to attend my safety school I would have thought they were crazy. Turns out it's just life that's crazy.

In August 2007, when I should have been moving to Rome, I was moving to Jacksonville. Even though my high school sweetheart and I were over and I was enrolled at JSU instead of Berry, I still knew I was going to be a teacher one day. I had always felt a calling to ministry, but I never knew what opportunities that had, so I figured teaching would be a good alternative that I would really enjoy. However, the more I learned about teaching the more I realized I did not want any part of it. Lesson plans were boring, creating activities was a pain, I discovered that if I majored in education I would be spending my life doing something I hated, and I could not stand to live like that. Five majors later I decided on English, and after obtaining my undergrad I hope to become a youth pastor and possibly go to seminary.

My best friend told me last night that God laughs at plans. My life is the perfect example of that sentiment. When I was fifteen I had it all planned out, but God had something different in mind. Now, my life could not be more different than what I thought it would be back then. Everything got turned upside down, and it was hard to accept. I spent a lot of time being angry that my plans got messed with instead of embracing God's changes. Everyday I am seeing Him execute His plan for me in my life, and while sometimes it is still painful, I know the ending will be better than anything I could have ever planned for myself.

"Lord, I know that our lives don't really belong to us. We don't have what it takes to take charge of life. So correct us, God, as you see best." -Jeremiah 10:23-24

R & B

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but my friends really are superior to everybody elses.

I have two very close friends from high school. One I met my sophomore year at the very first basketball practice at a local high school when we both transferred to Mill Creek from two different schools. We realized that we had a few mutual friends, and from then on we became friends. We went on vacations together, attended small group together, played basketball together, and really got to know each other. One thing I learned about her was that she had absolutely no interest in any of the guys from our high school. She knew exactly what she wanted in a guy, and she wasn't going to settle. She would tell our small group the things she desired in a boyfriend, and we all joked that we couldn't wait to meet the man she was going to marry because we didn't think a guy that perfect existed! We graduated high school, went to college, and one day during our sophomore year I logged on to Facebook and learned that she was in a relationship. I could not believe it! I quickly sent her a private message hoping to learn more about this guy. She told me all about him, and I was so excited for her. She sounded so happy, and he sounded great! Then, in mid September I get a text message from her, and it is a picture of a ring. She got engaged! She was the first one of us from high school to get engaged. I haven't met her fiance yet, but from what I've been told he is an amazing man. Not to mention he is a lucky man to be engaged to one of the most beautiful, sincere, kind, and true friends I have ever had. I could not be more happy for her!

Now, there is another friend I have from high school. I did not like her at all, and the feeling was mutual. I thought she was the meanest girl I had ever met, and she thought I was the most annoying person on the planet. We met playing basketball our freshman year, and later transferred to Mill Creek our sophomore year. However, it wasn't until our senior year when we became best friends. I am not going to divulge the details on how we became friends because it is super lame, but literally one day we decided we were going to become "attached at the hip", and we have been ever since. I have never had a friend like her before. She is ultra smart, so gorgeous, really goofy, and, to top it off, the most honest person I have ever known. When we went to college she was at the end of a pretty serious relationship, but it wasn't long after the semester began that she met someone. One Thursday night she invited me to her sorority's formal, and even though our colleges are two hours away I hopped in the car and drove to see her. While we were getting ready she was telling me about a guy she met, and she told me that we were going to hang out with him later that night. After the formal (which was so fun, by the way) we stepped outside the house and there he was, walking down the street to meet us. I remember how excited she was to see him. The rest of the night we spent hanging out with each other laughing and just having a great time. They began dating, and as my friendship with my best friend grew, so did my friendship with him, and he is an awesome guy. A few weeks ago I got a text message from my friend telling me that she just picked out an engagement ring. She is not engaged yet, but I have a feeling she will be soon. Talk about pumped! I cannot believe my best friend is about to get engaged, but I am so super thrilled for her!

I am so thankful for these two girls that God has placed in my life and for the men that God has placed in theirs. I hope you girls know how much I love you and how excited I am for you as your lives continue forward. I know you won't be getting married for a while, but I am still so happy for you and I cannot wait to watch you walk down the aisle. :)

"My dear, dear friends! I love you so much. I do want the very best for you. You make me feel such joy, fill me with such pride." -Philippians 4:1

Soon

I know it has been a while since I've written a decent post, but my heart is too full to write anything too long tonight. It is incredible how present God is and how quickly he responds to those who call on Him. I'm hoping for a hearty post on Saturday. I have a lot to write on an incredible Comforter.

"My flesh and my heart fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:26