Plans

I didn't know who I was supposed to be...at fifteen.

Don't make fun, but Fifteen by Taylor Swift gets me every time. Sometimes I swear she sings about my life. When I was a teenager I was in such a different place than I am now. If someone would have asked me then what my life would look like now I would have told them I was going to go to Berry, become a teacher, and marry my high school boyfriend. I had my life all planned out for myself, and I was comfortable.

My world came crashing down on January 16th 2007 when the love of my life broke up with me over the phone after 3 years of dating. It is now 2009, and almost 3 years later I can still vividly recall the heartbreak like it was yesterday. Being on the phone with him that night was surreal. It was like I was watching this break up scene transpire between someone else, and I was just watching it all happen. It was an out of body experience. I remember sitting on a chair next to my parent's bed thinking that I would never be ok again. The only word I can think to somewhat describe how I felt is despair. Food lost its taste, music became dull, and eventually everything that I had once found pleasing became boring and sad. I was so broken, and I had no idea where to begin picking up the pieces.

Robert Frost once said, "In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life: it goes on." My life went on after January 16th. It was the second semester of my senior year and it was time to decide what college I was going to attend. I hadn't given college much thought until my junior year when an older friend of mine told me she was going to Berry College in Rome, GA. I had never heard of Berry before in my life, but listening to her tell me all about it got me interested. I went to visit her one weekend and fell in love. Berry was everything I could have hoped for in a college and more. The campus was beautiful, the people were friendly, and it was 2 and a half hours away from anything that remotely reminded me of the person who broke my heart. I filled out the application for admission the next week. A majority of students applying for college will, in addition to applying to their first choice school, apply to a safety school. Mine was Jacksonville State University in Jacksonville, AL. I got my acceptance letter from JSU in the mail in October of 2006, and my acceptance notification online from Berry in late January of 2007. It was a no brainer that I was going to Berry, until I got another letter in the mail from JSU in February. The university awarded me a scholarship that would pay for my tuition. After talking to my parents and going on a campus visit, my plans changed again when I enrolled as a student at JSU. If someone would have told me earlier that year that I would be giving up going to my dream school to attend my safety school I would have thought they were crazy. Turns out it's just life that's crazy.

In August 2007, when I should have been moving to Rome, I was moving to Jacksonville. Even though my high school sweetheart and I were over and I was enrolled at JSU instead of Berry, I still knew I was going to be a teacher one day. I had always felt a calling to ministry, but I never knew what opportunities that had, so I figured teaching would be a good alternative that I would really enjoy. However, the more I learned about teaching the more I realized I did not want any part of it. Lesson plans were boring, creating activities was a pain, I discovered that if I majored in education I would be spending my life doing something I hated, and I could not stand to live like that. Five majors later I decided on English, and after obtaining my undergrad I hope to become a youth pastor and possibly go to seminary.

My best friend told me last night that God laughs at plans. My life is the perfect example of that sentiment. When I was fifteen I had it all planned out, but God had something different in mind. Now, my life could not be more different than what I thought it would be back then. Everything got turned upside down, and it was hard to accept. I spent a lot of time being angry that my plans got messed with instead of embracing God's changes. Everyday I am seeing Him execute His plan for me in my life, and while sometimes it is still painful, I know the ending will be better than anything I could have ever planned for myself.

"Lord, I know that our lives don't really belong to us. We don't have what it takes to take charge of life. So correct us, God, as you see best." -Jeremiah 10:23-24

R & B

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but my friends really are superior to everybody elses.

I have two very close friends from high school. One I met my sophomore year at the very first basketball practice at a local high school when we both transferred to Mill Creek from two different schools. We realized that we had a few mutual friends, and from then on we became friends. We went on vacations together, attended small group together, played basketball together, and really got to know each other. One thing I learned about her was that she had absolutely no interest in any of the guys from our high school. She knew exactly what she wanted in a guy, and she wasn't going to settle. She would tell our small group the things she desired in a boyfriend, and we all joked that we couldn't wait to meet the man she was going to marry because we didn't think a guy that perfect existed! We graduated high school, went to college, and one day during our sophomore year I logged on to Facebook and learned that she was in a relationship. I could not believe it! I quickly sent her a private message hoping to learn more about this guy. She told me all about him, and I was so excited for her. She sounded so happy, and he sounded great! Then, in mid September I get a text message from her, and it is a picture of a ring. She got engaged! She was the first one of us from high school to get engaged. I haven't met her fiance yet, but from what I've been told he is an amazing man. Not to mention he is a lucky man to be engaged to one of the most beautiful, sincere, kind, and true friends I have ever had. I could not be more happy for her!

Now, there is another friend I have from high school. I did not like her at all, and the feeling was mutual. I thought she was the meanest girl I had ever met, and she thought I was the most annoying person on the planet. We met playing basketball our freshman year, and later transferred to Mill Creek our sophomore year. However, it wasn't until our senior year when we became best friends. I am not going to divulge the details on how we became friends because it is super lame, but literally one day we decided we were going to become "attached at the hip", and we have been ever since. I have never had a friend like her before. She is ultra smart, so gorgeous, really goofy, and, to top it off, the most honest person I have ever known. When we went to college she was at the end of a pretty serious relationship, but it wasn't long after the semester began that she met someone. One Thursday night she invited me to her sorority's formal, and even though our colleges are two hours away I hopped in the car and drove to see her. While we were getting ready she was telling me about a guy she met, and she told me that we were going to hang out with him later that night. After the formal (which was so fun, by the way) we stepped outside the house and there he was, walking down the street to meet us. I remember how excited she was to see him. The rest of the night we spent hanging out with each other laughing and just having a great time. They began dating, and as my friendship with my best friend grew, so did my friendship with him, and he is an awesome guy. A few weeks ago I got a text message from my friend telling me that she just picked out an engagement ring. She is not engaged yet, but I have a feeling she will be soon. Talk about pumped! I cannot believe my best friend is about to get engaged, but I am so super thrilled for her!

I am so thankful for these two girls that God has placed in my life and for the men that God has placed in theirs. I hope you girls know how much I love you and how excited I am for you as your lives continue forward. I know you won't be getting married for a while, but I am still so happy for you and I cannot wait to watch you walk down the aisle. :)

"My dear, dear friends! I love you so much. I do want the very best for you. You make me feel such joy, fill me with such pride." -Philippians 4:1

Soon

I know it has been a while since I've written a decent post, but my heart is too full to write anything too long tonight. It is incredible how present God is and how quickly he responds to those who call on Him. I'm hoping for a hearty post on Saturday. I have a lot to write on an incredible Comforter.

"My flesh and my heart fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:26

For Brittany

:)

Made For You by Matt Gilman

http://www.myspace.com/mattgilmanmusic (click on "Made for You")

I will abide in You; oh come abide in me
For without You I can do nothing
For without You I can do nothing

Chorus:

To walk in the cool of the day with You
To gaze on the beauty of all You do
To meditate on Your glorious splendor
I was made for You

Verse 2:

On You I meditate and pray both night and day
Oh Lord, that I would be with You where You are
Oh Lord, that I would be with You where You are

Bridge:

To be called a lover of God
To speak face to face, to know all Your thoughts
To abide in Your love, in Your love in me
To keep Your commands, that I may be filled with joy

This is such a beautiful song. I hope you will take time to consider what these lyrics are telling you about your purpose. This is why we were created: To simply abide in Him. To walk with Him daily. To appreciate all He has done. To be amazed at who He is.

When we look at the simplicity of the life God has created us to lead it makes all of our outside stresses seem so unimportant. This song makes me feel so content and blessed to be created especially for God. Lord, I was made for you. :)

"If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord." -Romans 14:8

Humility vs. Pride and Some Thoughts on Responsibility

I just need a listening ear...

I got in a car accident two Thursdays ago, and have been without a car ever since. However, life goes on. I know I am a busy person, but it dawned on me last week just how busy I am. I work, go to school, am a member of campus groups, and attend younglife. While my sweet roommates were so gracious in allowing me to borrow their cars when they weren't using them, we all lead busy lives and have things to do, and it is not their responsibility to tote me around. Sometimes I feel guilty when asking for help, like I'm being a burden, and other times it simply comes down to my selfish pride. I often take myself and my agenda too seriously, and get annoyed when I cannot do things when I want. I am the queen of making a mountain out of a mole hill. Last week was very trying. Just because I didn't have a car didn't excuse me from my commitments, but I had to miss some and now I have to face the consequences. That is a hard pill to swallow because I feel like I'm being held accountable for something I had no control over. My pride causes frustration, but I am called to rise above that. Here is a bit of insight to my prideful nature:

I like to be independent and do the things I need and want to do when I need and want to do them, and I don't like being at the mercy of others in trying to accomplish tasks. I don't like asking for rides, I don't like asking for help, heck... I don't even like working in groups on school assignments. I want to do things my way on my time. But here is the truth, when I set my pride aside I remember: it is not about me. I have to be more understanding in that there are consequences for everything that happens in life whether those things are self-inflicted or by cause of someone else. In life, we must always be willing to roll with the punches and be big enough to lay our pride down and accept responsibility when we are called to. When life gets hectic, we are faced with obstacles, and we sometimes have to accept responsibility for situations we don't want to take the blame for we must remember to be ever humble, courageous, and live in love because we serve a mighty and faithful God. Oh, how He loves us!

"But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don't take yourself too seriously—
take God seriously." -Micah 6:8

Symbolism

My friend, Kane, introduced me to a new artist named Coffey Anderson. He is absolutely incredible. His music is so soulful and rich! He sings awesome love songs, and even better gospel music. That is right up my alley considering all my friends jokingly tell me that I should have been born black. :) Check him out, you might love him as much as I do.

It is finally feeling like autumn here in Jacksonville. Fall is my FAVORITE season by a long shot. I love everything about it. The crispness in the air, the excitement of college football, the anticipation of upcoming holidays, having cool weather to spend in the outdoors and, most importantly, the leaves changing colors. The colors of the leaves when they change is so beautiful to me, especially in Jacksonville. There are trees everywhere here, and being in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains isn't bad either because when I look outside I see endless mountains and trees. It is absolutely gorgeous. That being said, I think the actual reason I love fall so much is because of the symbolism it has in my life. Leave it to an English major to write a blog entirely about symbolism, but if the shoe fits...

My high school youth pastor unknowingly changed the way I will experience fall forever. Before we were dismissed from the service he always said a prayer for the upcoming week. In his prayer he said something that absolutely stopped me in my tracks. He thanked God that He created the leaves to change colors for the sole purpose of our enjoyment. I could not believe what I just heard. As I was riding in the backseat of my friend's car on my way home I looked out the window at all the trees and their leaves. They were beautiful, but I had never stopped to realize why. In school I was taught all about photosynthesis and plant processes. I knew the science behind the phenomenon of autumn leaves, but I never stopped to give credit to the Creator. When I thought more about it, I realized that God didn't have to make the process beautiful. He could have made photosynthesis boring and blah, but he didn't. He made the process pleasing to us because He loves us and wants us to enjoy this place He created for us. What a sweet Lord we have to make even the smallest detail of his creation beautiful simply out of love for us. When I see the leaves I am always reminded of God's deep love for His people and His precious lovingkindness. Everything in this life that I enjoy comes from God. Even something as simple as the leaves changing colors.

"God looked at everything He made, and it was good. So very good!" -Genesis 1:31

Gathering

Last Friday Jen, Anna Catherine, Erin, Ashley, and I left for the lake. Anna Catherine's family has a lake house on Lake Weiss in Centre, AL and was gracious enough to let us stay there for the weekend. We had the best time! Our first night we watched movies, went out to eat, and just spent time together laughing and enjoying ourselves. Erin had to work in the morning, so she left early the next day and headed to Jefferson's. The rest of us got up and went to the ultimate in breakfast cuisine: Waffle House. The rest of the day was spend inside due to rain, but none of us were disappointed. It was such a cozy day that allowed us to fellowship and wind down from the previous week of school. Christina came later that night, and after playing a few rounds of dominoes and other fun games I didn't think the weekend could get any better. Then Sunday came, and it was one of the most memorable days of my life.

Sunday, September 20, was my 21st birthday. When I woke up my sweet friends had made yummy blueberry muffins, put a candle in mine, and sang me happy birthday. I felt so special! It was such a great way to start the day. After breakfast we got dressed and headed to Little Rock City to have church on the mountain. Lake Weiss is located near the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains, so there are a few mountain ranges that people will come and explore. When we got there, we walked up to a series of boulders and climbed them to the top where we found a clearing overlooking the lake and surrounding area. There is no telling how high up we were, but it felt like we were on top of the world. Right there, on top of the world, we started our church service. No rules. No rituals. No denomination. Just five women seeking after the Lord, and guess what? He showed up. :)

Anna Catherine brought her iPod dock, and we spent some time in worship. "How Deep the Father's Love For Us" by Sarah Sadler came on, and it was one of the most incredible moments in my life. To listen to her sing, "How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure" while looking out on His vast creation knowing he loves me even beyond all that is in front of me still humbles and amazes me. After singing a few more songs, we got to spend some time in the Word. Ashley lead us to an account in the book of John (v. 15-19). We got to share our hearts with each other and spend some great time in prayer. Then, we shared the most beautiful thing I have ever had the privilege to be a part of. Five college women got to lead each other in communion on top of the mountain that day. I have no words for the infinite meaning that communion holds in my life. The whole experience of having church on the mountain is something I am so thankful to have been a part of. It was the best birthday I have ever had, and I am so glad to have spent it with such sweet friends and an even sweeter Lord.

"When two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I'll be there." -Matthew 18:20

September So Far

What a great start to September.

Last weekend I go to go home and spend some time with the family. When I go back to Gwinnett I normally spend a majority of the weekend with my mom, but this time I got to spend a lot of quality time with my dad and brother. We got to go to the Georgia Tech vs. JSU football game, and our tickets were in the front row! College football and a trip to Atlanta equals an awesome Saturday in my book! I was so glad to get to share that day with my dad and little bro. I loved spending the day with them, and we had a really good time.

This weekend Jen, Eric, and I got to go down to Talahassee to see the Florida State vs. JSU football game. It was a 6 hour drive, but it was worth it. Not only did we get to go to the game and spend part of the weekend in Florida, but we got to sit in Bobby Bowden's family box! It was so cool! JSU really played a great game. We were up 9-7 all the way until the fourth quarter with only 1:31 left on the clock when FSU scored two touchdowns back to back. It was a heart breaker, but it was such an exciting game. My friend, Robert, who I met the summer I lived in Winter Haven, went to FSU, so we met up and stayed with him at his brother's house. I was so glad to be able to see him and catch up. What a sweet friend!

With the semester back in full swing, I am already busier than I have ever been. Juggling school, work, Ambassadors, Student Senate, and YoungLife is challenging, but I am excited for everything that is coming my way. There are a lot of things to get caught up in, but through all of it I want to be mindful of who I am serving and searching for Him in all I do. What an adventure He has planned for me!

"I am always doing something new within my beloved ones. Be on the lookout for all I have prepared for you." -Isaiah 43:19

A Thought

"Many of the most significant moments in our lives come not because it all went right but because it all fell apart." -Rob Bell: Drops Like Stars

Oh, How He Loves Us

"He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath
The weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize how beautiful you are
And how great your afflictions for me

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yea He loves us
Oh how

We are his portion
And he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meats earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart burns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way
He loves us

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yea He loves us
Oh how

I thought about you
The day Stephen died
And you met me between my breaking
I know that I still love you God
Despite the agony
See people they want to tell me your cruel
But if Stephen could sing
He'd say its not true
Cause you're good"

This is such a beautiful song originally written and performed by John Mark McMillan after his best friend, Stephen, died in a tragic car accident. This song has such raw emotion and truth in it. I am swept off my feet every time I hear it, especially when I consider the things he was going through when he wrote it. Since the song's release in September of 2008, it has been re-made by several artists including David Crowder* Band and The Glorious Unseen. I was first introduced to How He Loves during DNOW back in April. It is definitely the song I associate with that incredible weekend. Since then it has kept finding its way back into my life, and tonight was one of those nights.

At DNOW, the speaker was sharing with us when he was diagnosed with cancer. It was right before a family vacation to the beach. He didn't want the cancer to prevent him from living his life, so they packed up the car and headed to the beach anyway. While he was there, he walked down to the ocean to spend some time with God. As he was trying to make sense of what the doctor just told him, he was pleading with the Lord, "Please take this cancer from me!" But, he heard a quiet whisper in his heart asking, What if I don't? He continued to reason, "God, you blessed me with such a great life. I have a wonderful wife and two beautiful children. You have to heal me!" But again, he heard, What if I don't? He begged, "Please, let me walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding! Let me see my son graduate high school! Please let me grow old with my wife! Lord, please heal me!" Yet, God's soft voice kept asking, But what if I don't?

He had such a hard time dealing with the question God kept asking him. What if God didn't heal him? What if it was his time to leave this earth? What if he didn't get to be there for his family much longer? He stayed on that beach for a long time bartering with God, but he kept hearing, What if I don't heal you? What then? It was on that beach, a newly diagnosed cancer patient with a long road of treatment ahead of him, that he realized this: Even if God doesn't heal me, even if I am called to endure and maybe even miss out on certain things in this earthly life, even if my prayer isn't answered the way I want it to be, He is still worthy of my praise. He is still almighty, holy, precious, and good.

The lyrics to How He Loves and the speaker's testimony that weekend will stay with me forever. No matter what, God is good, and he loves us so very much.

"Fig trees may not grow figs, and there may be no grapes on the vines. There may be no olives growing and no food growing in the fields. There may be no sheep in the pens and no cattle in the barns. But I will still be glad in the Lord; I will rejoice in God my Savior." -Habakkuk 3:17-18

One Great Love

My favorite hymn in the whole world is "O, For A Thousand Tongues To Sing", David Crowder is my favorite music artist, and when those two are combined it just couldn't get any better. DCB could just re-make hymns and I wouldn't be mad about it. Here are the lyrics to David Crowder's arrangement and a link to listen to it on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWekq9bHtKU

O, for a thousand tongues to sing
My great Redeemer’s praise
The glories of my God and King
The triumphs of His grace!

My gracious Master and my God
Assist me to proclaim
To spread through all the earth abroad
The honors of Thy name.

So come on and sing out
Let our anthem grow loud
There is one great love: Jesus.

Jesus, the name that charms our fears
That bids our sorrows cease
‘Tis music in the sinner’s ears
‘Tis life and health and peace.

He breaks the power of cancelled sin
He sets the prisoners free
His blood can make the foulest clean
His blood availed for me!

He speaks and listening to His voice
New life the dead receive
The mournful broken hearts rejoice
The humble poor believe.

Glory to God and praise and love
Be ever, ever giv’n
By saints below and saints above
The church in earth and Heav’n.

So come on and sing out
Let our anthem grow loud
There is one great love: Jesus.

There are so few words
That never grow old...
There are so few words
That never grow old...
Jesus.

Today was the first day of the fall semester. It was a great day, and as I was driving home from my English class I was looking around at all the students walking into the building. It was so crowded! Most of the students appeared to be freshman, so I started having flashbacks of my freshman year. What a growing year that was. I got so lost, and it makes me wonder how the freshman years will go of the students I saw walking into the Stone Center today. There are so many things to get wrapped up in during college. Relationships, Greek life, sports, drinking, partying, class, work, you name it and it's a temptation that can draw us away from the Lord.

High school was a breeze. I had my close friends, and none of us drank or really even knew anyone who did, so drinking and partying was never an issue. I didn't have to have a job. I had a serious boyfriend, so I wasn't obsessed with dating. School has always been easy for me, and I have a great relationship with my parents, so my biggest worry for four years was remembering to do my homework assignment and occasionally picking up my room. I got so caught up in all the new things college introduced me to. I started fitting God into my life instead of building my life around Him. As I was driving toward 410 with DCB playing in the background I heard in the chorus, There is one great love: Jesus. It didn't say, There is one great love: Jesus, and going to class and maybe partying a little on the side. It says Jesus, period.

He is the only One worth living for and getting wrapped up in. Freshman year was such a hard time in my life, wrought with such pain and sorrow. But, the Lord was faithful and delivered me, and now I am thankful to Him for showing me, yet again, that there is one great love: Jesus.

"Anyone who trusts in Him will never be disappointed." -Romans 10:11

A Reflection of the Weekend

I got to go home this weekend for the first time since I moved to Jacksonville. I forget how much I love Georgia and my hometown until I go back. I have such great memories from there. I love everything about that place. Not to mention I got to spend time with my family. My brother just started high school two weeks ago, so it was fun hearing him tell me about it. He goes to Mill Creek, like I did, and loves it so far! High school was the best time of my life, and I really hope he has as great an experience as I did. He is such a good brother, and makes his big sissy very, very proud :). I have great parents, too. I am so thankful for them and for everything they do for my brother and me. We always have so much fun whenever we're together. A weekend isn't long enough because I never feel like I get enough time with them.

While I was home for the weekend JSU was hosting Sorority Recruitment. I was in a sorority for 2 years, but just quit this summer. The organization I was in ROCKED IT OUT! They got their bid list, had awesome returns, and ended up with what seems is going to be a really awesome pledge class, and I am so excited for them. I do not regret the decision to quit because it really was the best choice for me, but I can't help but get a little nostalgic for my bid day and the exciting experience of joining a sorority. For the past two years I found a lot of my identity in being in a sorority, and it is also where I found a lot of my worth. Sororities are not bad in and of themselves, and for the most part I would say my experience was fairly positive, but I made it my lifestyle. I ate, breathed, and slept my organization, and as a result neglected the relationship I had with my Father. It took me a while to realize that I was serving my sorority the way I should have been serving my Lord. That is really embarrassing to admit. I needed to forgo membership in my sorority in order to reclaim the relationship I knew I should have been fostering with my God. Disclaimer: In no way am I saying everyone in a sorority has abandoned their relationship with God and should quit, but in my specific case it was what I knew I needed to do.

I learned a lot about people by being Greek, but I learned even more about my Savior and the importance of maintaining a thriving relationship with Him. Now I find my identity in Him, and He is showing me day by day the infinite worth I have in His eyes.

"I eagerly give up all my prized possessions, I unhesitatingly forgo the pleasure of my most intimate friendships, and, without reservation, I void all my greatest achievements for the amazing and priceless opportunity to intimately know, love, and serve my precious Redeemer, Jesus Christ." -Philippians 3:8

iPod

After work tonight I was in the car listening to my iPod. Chris Tomlin came on singing "Everlasting God". In the chorus he echos words and phrases, but before tonight they had never struck a chord in me until I heard him sing softly in the background, "There's no end to your power". That simple truth hit me all at once. There's no end to your power. It is something I have known, but hearing it in that song tonight made me really consider what that truth looks like in my life.

My family is still in need of prayer. We are still going through a difficult time that only God can deliver us from. We have spent a lot of time worrying about it and wondering what might become of us, but that won't make it go away. Anticipating the worst isn't going to deliver us. Doubting that we can be saved won't save us. But God will.

Van Wilder once said, " Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere." An interesting person to gain wisdom from, but there is truth in it. Worrying about the future won't make your present concerns any less daunting. Dwelling over problems won't change the fact that they're there and they're real. The Lord is faithful and promises that if we ask for anything in His name and believe He will do it, we will have it (Mark 11:24). There is no limit to God's ability to deliver us, and I believe that no matter the outcome we will be taken care of and He will be glorified.

Please continue to pray for my family as we hope in the Lord and believe that there is no end to His power.

"Then you will call, and the Lord will answer. You will cry for help, and he will say, 'Here I am!'" -Isaiah 58:9

5:19

I'd be lying through my teeth if I told you
That I'm ok
July came, I thought I had it all together
Until you said
"I need some space"
Truth be told
It's so hard to wait

One eye on the clock
And one on the phone
It's 5:19....
I'm feeling alone
If I could talk to you
I'd want you to know
I'm holding loose
But ain't letting go.

We both know that I could think myself dizzy
Right now I'm spinning around
You said, "baby, don't worry"
But I just miss you right now
I said, I miss you right now

One eye on the clock
And one on the phone
It's 5:19....
I'm feeling alone
If I could talk to you
I'd want you to know
I'm holding loose
But ain't letting go.

This is a really good song that I came across today. Just thought I'd share.

Please continue to pray for my family. God is at work in this situation, and He is already doing great things. Please pray that no matter the outcome, He will be glorified.

"If you ask me for anything in my name, I will do it." -John 14:14

Provision and Deliverance

I don't even know how to begin this post. I have so much going on in my mind and in my life. I can start by asking for prayer. I don't want to be specific since this is the internet and all, but please pray for my family and me. Everyone is ok, we just really need prayer right now.

With the current situation always on the ever present back burner of my mind I have come into some really exciting things. An ambassador friend informed me that she is looking into starting YoungLife at JSU and asked me if I would like to help get things going. Of course I said yes. YoungLife has enriched my walk more than I could say not only as a youth but now as a young adult. I kind of fell away from it for a season, but since last summer I have been back on the YL track and more ready than ever to dive in head first.

Also, Jen and I had dinner with the girl's youth and leaders for YL in Gadsden. It was such a fun night! Watching as the girls fellow shipped reminded me how much I love YL and how awesome youth groups are. Every time I am given the opportunity to hang out with youth it only nails down the calling God has put in my heart: youth ministry. Primarily middle school youth, but after hanging out with high school girls tonight, I remembered how much fun they can be, too.

With all the YL excitement that has been placed in my future, I am still about to sleep with a burdened heart. I will continue to pray for my family and for deliverance, but at the same time I am thankful to the Lord for all the wonderful works He is doing in my life. I just pray that whatever the outcome may be He will be glorified.

"Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7

Kidnapping

I was kidnapped tonight, but in no way was it a bad experience.

I got home from work later than expected. The restaurant I work at closes at 10, but the last table didn't leave until around 10:30, so after finishing all my closing duties I headed home around 11. I arrived to be greeted by my sweet roommate, Jen, and we began telling each other about our day. A few minutes into our conversation we heard someone at the door. Thinking it was Erin, our other roommate, we continued our conversation. Then we heard voices. It was definitely not Erin. All of a sudden Ashley and Ashley come busting in the house. "Get in the car, we're going to the mountain to watch the meteor shower!" With little time to disagree we hopped in the car and made our way to the top of the mountain in town. When we made it up we discovered we are not the only people around who enjoy stargazing. There are two other cars waiting to watch some shooting stars. The four of us climb onto the VW Jetta (two on the hood and two on the roof) and wait for the show. All of a sudden, WOOSH! We see our first meteor. It was beautiful! But that wasn't even the best part of the night.

As we sit waiting for more stars to fly across the midnight sky, three girls approach the car. We begin talking, and living in a small town like we do, discover we have mutual friends. We continue talking and the next thing you know an hour has gone by. Meanwhile, another car has pulled up and its passengers approach the car and we begin a conversation with them, too! It was a father and his children. He told us that he lives at the bottom of the mountain and he could hear us screaming and laughing all the way at his house! We were all having such an awesome time enjoying each others company and enjoying the beauty of the great outdoors.

As I sit here I am in the midst of appreciating an answered prayer in the works. The prayer was for community. This past semester me and my roommates, Jen and AC, became close friends with 3 guys- Kane, Tyler, and Branden. And let me tell you, the Lord was in those friendships. Those girls and guys were an answer to a serious prayer of mine. But, college isn't forever, and Kane and Branden graduated in May. Not only did they graduate, but one moved to Texas and the other Colorado. Of course I am still friends with those guys, but now that they have moved we obviously don't get to spend the amount of time together that we used to. It was hard to experience such awesome community for such a short time, but once again God demonstrated His faithfulness to me. I had been praying for what I've been calling "Girl Community" since I found out the guys were moving away. It has been on my heart since the beginning of the summer. As I was sitting on the hood of Ashley's car surrounded by five awesome girls it dawned on me: This is what I've been praying for.

God has proven His goodness and faithfulness in my life time and time again. I am so excited to watch as these friendships grow in the Lord. Already He has begun answering my prayer and the semester hasn't even started yet. :)

"...when a believing person prays, great things happen." -James 5:16